Thinking of Quinn, with Catalina
Breakups aren’t always a tragedy and relationships don’t always end badly. Relationships don’t always end. Some do, but some just dim away, dissolving into specks that can be picked here and there from the air if you’re lucky enough to pluck them. Special souls, oftentimes, can fade out from our lives — but this one is taking its sweet time.
Quinn used to imagine these worlds, impossible to be true but ideal for us two to live in. For the peace that we lacked in this world, Quinn created her own as a home. Somewhere in the Mountain West or on that preferred obscure beach— So detailed and true, so thoughtful and deep that I thought and still think, one day again, there we’ll meet.
Your perfect vision
of the life we had
prompts my conviction
that my love will bring you back
Quinn once said that we’d never really be apart since souls are entwined for eternity, though the space between is far. So through this, I believed it was enough to want, and to think, because if she were to return then it would happen, faithfully. But I forget that before she disappeared, I was the first to leave sight. Maybe Quinn misses me more than a clipped bird misses flight. Numbers change, accounts change. I tried to call but got another name. Rereading our night conversations reassures me that she won’t let go.
No, such feelings never go.
But when I reach out,
you seem quite cool
Still my impression
lingers deep within your soul-
In your soul…
Quinn must see me, she has to notice that I’m wandering around this world. Crashing and burning, stumbling and learning, tumbling … trying to move. And growth is a slow road, even more so with unresolved mental flaws. And at times I sit up and ask her — even though she isn’t there — if she somehow is listening, if in some way she can hear. After all, it has been years, and just because we once were tight doesn’t mean Quinn still cares. Still I’m hoping that she might.
And when you look round,
see me standing there
I’m only wondering
if, by chance, do you still care?
Our unity was right, but in this lifetime was not meant to work. Knowing this I kept open and…